Marty
1. Anything red must explode if shot. Barrels are usually best, but crates of gas canisters also do the job.
2. Fixed mounted guns must always face away from any potential flashpoints and be pretty much useless.
3. Never bring a gun to a knife fight. You can unload a full clip of a shotgun into someones chest but if their knife grazes you then you are done for. Stay safe, always carry a knife.
4. Never run into a room that you have just thrown a flashbang into as the grenade only effects you.
5. Venus fly trap. Care packages are the best way to draw out campers, pop one out into open areas and pick people off as they inevitably try to steal it from you, then when they are all dead stoll in and claim your UAV (or ammo crate more often than not).
6. The only thing you can ever rely on your team to do is, give away your position, run into your line of fire and freindlt flash you. [1-6 courtesy of lego pig]
7. No matter how many AI allies you have on the battlefield. All enemys will target you, regardless how far away they are [courtesy of Faz Fhunder]
8. If you place a really good killstreak reward, a team mate will carpet bomb it seconds later.
9. If you can manage to sneak around the back unseen, to where the enemy team are hiding, your mate will carpet bomb you seconds later.
10. Pistols kill in 1 shot, unless you're using it.
11. Invariably, if you're good at a game, you'll be accused of being a glitcher, and pick up negative feedback and bad rep.
12. If you don't see anyone for 7 whole minutes, the second you do, you're dead.[8-12 courtesy of benj4m]
13. You carry a shotgun round in the hopes of close range kills but somehow someone with a sniper will always kill you at close range first.
14. The enemies who attack in 3s will teabag you but the one guy who just shot you through a complex series of debris parts will walk away and not show off how badly he owned you.
15. If someone calls you a poopy head you might aswell throw the game because that little kid will be shooting you in the back all match.
16. If you pick up the sniper or any other power weapon someone on your team will always teamkill you for it then miss with every shot they fire using it.
17. Even if you're drunk you can still get MVP by using a sniper rifle.
18. There will always be one guy claiming he's carrying the team and inevitably he will try to claim anything you do as his own.
19. At some point you will meet a "pro" who will threaten you with legal action for depriving him of his livelyhood because you kicked his ass.
20. The MLG will moan the game isn't balance and insist upon the removal of any weapon that requires some degree of throught to use and turn it into a who shoots first wins luck contest.
21. Someone will always find a glitch somehow because they spend days jumping at buildings to see what happens.
22. The leaderboards will mean nothing within 2 hours of release thanks to people boosting and glitching. [13-22 courtesy of hobblejp]
23. No Scoping makes you ecool.
24. Making a No scoping montage makes you a ethug.
25. You must shout PEW PEW down the mic when firing alien weapons.
26. You must shout IMMA CHARGING MAH LAZER when using a Spartan Laser.
27. If you have Clutch in your name, you are going to be the first blood.
28. If the other team are saying Good game to you after beat them and you hear a slight accent you have to start shouting racial slurs and insults about them and their mothers. If you don't, then your not MLG.
29. MLG is like Christianity. If your not part of it, then your the enemy.[23-29 courtesy of Hoaxs]
30. Premature reloading! [courtesy of R E S P A W 7V]
31. No matter how long you check before hand, the second you pull the pin on that grenade someone will run round the corner and shoot you. [courtesy of Mst Sgt Peppa]
32. When you join a game online you have to abuse anyone who you dont know. [courtesy of MGc iNsTiNcTz]
33. Killing someone with a gamertag xXxXxX PWNZ U NOOBZ sNiPeRZZ xXxXxX is generally very satisfying [courtesy of crabbiT Scot]
34. Having the word "Sniper," or similar, in your tag only to catch a glimpse of said per
son with said tag failing with the sniper or using another weapon is deemed an 'epic fail' offence. [that be my suggestion]
35. Camping is a legitimate strategy - If a player cannot counter this then they should just stop playing as they are obviously terrible at the game [courtesy of iBakez]
36. You always get targeted by predator missiles regardless of team mates all sat bunched together
37. No matter how many bullets you pump into someone, they can keep coming right for you and knife you [36-37 courtesy of R1CH5TER]
38. You might be invisible to radar/UAV, but some jerk n00b with rubbish perks willalways run past you as a predator missile is coming, and it'll wreck you both.
39. If someone is jumping when they kill you, it "doesn't count" and you're not obliged to remember it when telling people how awesome you were later. [38-39 courtesy of benj4m]
40. Whenever you accidentally team kill some one, they must seek revenge and team kill you. [courtesy of GAZLOZ]
41. If someone kills you whilst camping, you must try to kill them as many times as possible, no matter how many times you die in the process. Once you have done this, you must take their camping spot. [courtesy of Broodyhat]
42. When joining a game in progress you will almost always be put on the team that is losing heavily and have to shoot down numerous aircraft that the idiots on your team didn't bother shooting down.
43. When you die it's never your fault. You can and will use any excuse you want, like lag, campers, overpowered weapons, bad teammates etc. etc. [42-43 courtesy of x Despondent]
44. Soldiers often use weapons that are not given to their military. [courtesy of xMP44x Paul]
45. When you're asked to go pick something up that's not going to be a problem to retreive, pray that the people in wait are lousy shots.
46. You may be the best aim to ever live, but the computer is always better.
47. It's always a good day to die, be it by land mine, grenade, a lucky shot or by a sudden glitch which sends you through the wall and into the ground
48. If they have a rocket launcher and can't see you, then duck because as soon as they turn, your head will belong to them
49. If someone tries to tea bag you, shoot them where it really hurts, or have a timed explosive just waiting for them to try it
50. When talking into your mic, don't break the mood with "Yes, mom, I'll take out the trash in a minute!"
51. You are the best, the greatest of them all, so along comes someone with a pistol that's been modded and kills you, not so hot now. [45-51 courtesy of Reina Watt]
52. If a girl tries to play a FPS online, and makes the mistake of exposing the fact she's a girl, she's fair game for every pervert, horny teenager, and sexual predator online. You must hound her with cat calls, sexist comments, and outrageous unsolicited flirting until she goes to play a different game. [courtesy (again) of benj4m]
53. Make sure you run around the entire map, collecting every piece of armour, shielding, and power up you can, before allowing your opponent to shoot you in the head and kill you instantly. [courtesy of Unreal Warfare]
54. It is well known that the enemy flag is the key to your victory. Never mind the computers, weapon depo's or fuel stores. Retrive. That. Flag. [courtesy of CSB Fisher]
55. You must fire your noobtube at the sky at the start of every match hoping to kill someone.
56. No matter how close your team mate is to an enemy, the enemy player will ALWAYS shoot you first, even if you're 15 feet behind your team mate. [55-56 courtesy of Mutant Dead Man]
57. its takes skill to kill with a grenade launcher until killed by one when it becomes the noob tube [courtesy of MJS89]
58. Sneaking up on a sniper who just killed you and smacking him in the back is soooooooo satisfying [courtesy of sjholland87]
59. Teabagging is always hilarious.
60. Repeatedly shouting "Yo, skip this map Yo!" in lobbies, is not more likely to make people do it. [59-60 courtesy of Fat Mond]
61. Jumping about like a hyperactive kangaroo is not exactly the best battle tactic [courtesy of Reina Watt]
62. When a grenade is thrown in a room and you run for the exit one of your helpful team-mates block the exit so both of you get killed. [courtesy of SGT Corruptions]
63. Watching someone walk into a claymore you've just planted 2 seconds ago will never get old. [courtesy of Closkey666]
64. Placing a Claymore just as someone runs around the corner, trips it and kills you both is always annoying.
65. People who use Martyrdom or Juggernaut in Hardcore modes are crazy. Juggernaut has 0 effect and Martyrdom has more chance of killing a team mate than an enemy. [64-65 courtesy of Mutant Dead Man]
66. Teamkilling is acceptable given the right circumstances [courtesy of altered edge]
67. Dont confuse WaW for WoW, when you kill someone dont run to his body expecting phat EPIC loot, you might get a nasty surprise.
68. All militia fighters have a store discount at the same clothes shop. [67-68 courtesy of lego pig]
69. Even if you're looking at them behind a dumpster or cover and can't see nothing but their scalp they are always able to shoot at you and kill you first. [courtesy of Japophile]
70. Whatever gun you use. You ARE a noob. [courtesy of Laughing Seal]
71. Defending the objective like you're supposed to will invariably lead to the enemy calling you a camper upon your victory. [courtesy of Mst Sgt Peppa]
72. The sabotage gamemode is to be played like a team deathmatch that doesn't have a kill limit. Planting the bomb early will almost always make the whole lobby scream at you. [courtesy of x Despondent]
73. You will always get killed one short of the killstreak reward you want.... [courtesy of Balfie]
74. If you don't win its cause of LAG
75. You must shout BOOM HEADSHOT when you get one. [74-75 courtesy of Hoaxs]
76. Try to have fun without having a cardiovascular bypass. [courtesy of Jasestyle]
77. Forget studying at college and getting a good job, all the chicks love a man who is 10th prestige and can get a 25 kill streak. [courtesy of lego pig]
78. In Africa, everyone wants to kill you. For no apparent reason.
79. They want to kill you so badly that if you happen to kill them, they will magically come back to life while your back is turned and try to kill you again.
80. They also have superhuman vision which will allow them to spot you from a mile away, hidden in the grass in the middle of the night.
81. It is possible for one man to carry a machete, a sub-machine gun, an assault rifle, a sniper rifle, a pistol, a knife, several medical aid kits and money at the same time and still be able to run and jump great distances.
82. A man may have the ability to take on vast alien armies, single-handedly. However he will struggle to jump over 3 feet walls. [78-82 courtesy of Future Cow]
83. You must always use a sniper on EVERY map, even if it is a close combat map. If you don't then you are not a godly sniper! [courtesy of X Bowman Xx]
84. The militia have a strange obsession with Bambi when they kill someone. They also yell "tactical header", "Tango sucka" and "10 inch storshina". Strange people. [courtesy of x Despondent]
85. When using a riot shield, always expect the enemys' bullets to find that tiny slit between the bottom of the shield and the floor.
86. Whenever using any form of rocket launcher where the rockets fly drunk, always expect the rocket to swerve and miss the target at the last minute. Also, be prepared to see the missile to miss spectacularly, like drifting under a car, between two enemies, or smashing straight into a friendly turning him into paste. [85-86 courtesy of FealDragonRAWR]
87. You can survive bullets and explosions.....but a smack at close range or a knife anywhere spells instant doom! [courtesy of Paragon53]
88. even though its a First Person SHOOTER, nobody ever vetos a swords match. [courtesy of Mathyou88]
89. LMG's are placed in the game for the soul purpose for people to spin around and spray and pray. [courtesy of xXI BrEtTMiLnEr]
90. There are no tents but plenty of campers [courtesy of hybrid 666]
91. Expect to be classed as an 'outcast', unless you succumb to the ways of having an MLG gamertag.
92. 360-ing is cruise control to cool street. Just make sure that person you're 360-ing doesn't walk up to and knife you [91-92 are my suggestions]
93. If you're losing quit
94. If you get killed by someone it is OBVIOUSLY because they are being cheap.
95. Be sure that if you've shot a guy two or three times and your team mate, or opponent fires a rocket up their ass, you MUST IMMEDIATELY tell them that they stole your kill.
96. When you have your microphone turned on please be sure to turn on the latest rap/hip hop "masterpiece" that's been ripped off of a classic song and utterly destroyed as loud as you can through your microphone.
97. Be sure to boost up your ranking on the leaderboards, and when it comes to 360, be sure to get your friends to help you get those achievements.
98. When playing any objective game or any team game be sure to KILL your team mates when they are about to score with the flag so you can grab the flag yourself and score with it to get the point.
99. When the game company changes the way a weapon works so you can't get as many easy kills with it they automatically "nerfed" it. [93-99 courtesy of BilboFraginz]
100. There is allways someone better... That person is me. [courtesy of the ever modest One Big Lemon]
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